... More curiosity?

Ayyye guytthh!! Itdth swwweerkked! I didth itd! ... Guythh?

... More pictures than words in our daily readings?

 Technically, pictures are worth thousands of words... So, who's more literate now?

... Saturday morning cartoons based exclusively on violence?

When did I realize my affinity for explosives and firearms? In the early weekend hours as a 6-year old, of course!

... Obnoxiously flashy shoes as children?

They light up! They squeak! They spray a noxious mist! They break into your house in the middle of the night and smack you in the face! Wee!

... Gifts made in class that encouraged bad habits?

Here, Dad. I'm giving you this to show you how much I love y... Oh.

... Better metabolism?

It's my party... I can snarf this entire cake if I want to. You can cry if you want to.

... Cause to warn others prior to trying grown-up things?

Look at that beautiful face... Angelina won Brad over with a face like that. Now it's my face.

... Incredible anxiety over the prospect of holding hands?

Eureka! I have finally managed to get within reasonable range of the ballpark. Now for first base...

... No hesitation to shamelessly play with household pets?

My cat is my best friend, its love for me is wholly unconditional. Right, Mimi? ... Mimi? Heyyy, who scratched "SOS" into the floor?

... To get permission to eat cookies?

Ehhhh... so close, and yet so far from a trend of unwelcome future weight gain. Still want...

... More trust in the airports?

No worries! TNT stands for... Tapeworms, Nachos, and Toenails! Nothing suspicious here!

... Water games that could kill us?

This game includes fifteen-pages worth of disclaimers! Woot!

... Genuine desire to cry over dropped ice cream?

ICE CREAM MEET FLOOR... IS END OF WORLD. :( :( :( :(

... Cute places to keep our money?

What goes in... might take a while to come out again.

... No shame about displaying our interests on our underwear?

What better way to show my enjoyment of The Lion King than sporting Simba's face on my crotch? - 6-year old self

... No cause to be alarmed when our teeth came out?

After we loose our baby teeth, we get teenage teeth too right? Oh I sure hope so...

... A critical dependence on CD-ROMs?

What did we use as ninja stars back in the day?

... The desire to jump into dirty ball pits?

Someone kicked me in the face, and I can't see where this moisture is coming from... I don't want to play anymore.

... Seasonal concern for not having a chimney?

Santa can do a lot... but fitting through the ceiling ventilation fan is not one of his better talents.

... To get an invitation to use Facebook?

POKE ME!!! PLEASE POKE ME!!

... Stuffed animals that encouraged us to be obstetricians?

This is serious business: Pony Surprise was a real thing.

... Cars powered by our legs?

Bite me, exponentially rising gas prices!

... Drinks that needed skill to be opened?

I miss the chronic dehydration.

... Toys that made us cook?

Those were the good days.